Start at 0, (only a physics crackpot would start anywhere else).

1. Award yourself 1 point if you believe time travel is theoretically possible.

2. 1 point if you have ever used ‘wormholes’ or ‘closed time loops in general relativity’ to try to justify your beliefs.

3. 1 point if you have ever tried to cloud the issue by rabbiting on about Lorentzian or gravitational time dilation.

4. 1 point each if you have ever described any of the following fantasists as a ‘physicist’: Hawking, Kaku, Brian the Cool Fox. 2 points if you have ever referred to the religious extremist Dawkins as a ‘scientist’. 3 points if you have ever referred to the poppycock woman as an ‘astrophysicist’. 

5. 1 point each if you believe in any of the following imaginary beings or mythological beasts: unicorns, quarks, fairies, gluons, pixies, Higgs bosons/field, werewolves, dark matter. An extra point if you have ever claimed that their existence has been ‘proved by experiment’.

6. 1 point if you have ever claimed that Einstein was the theoretical mastermind behind nuclear energy, without any evidence. 2 points if you have ever made the claim knowing full well that nuclear energy results from the repulsion between protons.

7. 1 point if you believe in the literal truth of the doctrine of ‘the constancy of the speed of light relative to the observer’. An extra point if you have ever claimed that it has been ‘proved by experiment’.

8. 1 point if you believe the universe exploded out of nothing 13.6 billion years ago.  1 bonus point if you think you base this belief on evidence.

9. 1 point if you think evolution is a scientific theory, rather than a statement of the bleeding obvious.

10. 1 point if you have ever claimed that a theory must be right because it is generally agreed to be so, or because lots of very clever people think it is so, or because the inventor of the theory received a Nobel prize.g

Results:

If you scored less than 12, you probably need to take a course in basic arithmetic, or learn to count.

If you scored over 12 or over, congratulations you are a full-blown physics-believer.c

© William Newtspeare, 2012.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to William Newtspeare, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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